Open letter to friends

From my Livejournal February 18th, 2010:

Dear Friends,

If you're reading this, it means I know you well enough that I think you'd care. I culled down my friends list for this one (and was amazed at how many people I had on there that I barely know.) Not that all of you are people I see every day, by any means, but enough that I wanted to share some big and life changing news. It's not that this is going to be a secret, though, so don't feel like it's something you can't mention next time you see me in public.

I have decided to undergo LAP-Band surgery in order to help me lose weight - a venture that I have been unsuccessful with on my own since I was 9 years old. Not even kidding, my mom took me to weight watchers with her for the first time when I was nine and then we did Atkins together. Thus begin my life of dieting... It's no wonder, looking back, that my relationship with food has been a weird one. I'm (about to be) 26 now and I've overcome a LOT of issues in my life - or at least worked through most of them to the point of being functional even if I'm still a bit neurotic. I've been thinking about having some sort of weight loss surgery since I was 18 and my endocrinologist who I saw for PCOS told me I should look into it. My parents were so opposed to it and I put it out of my mind for a while but it's always been back there, percolating. In December of '09 I had an epiphany. I guess it was what people call getting knocked over the head by a cosmic 2x4. I realized I had to do it and I set into motion the process of doing so.

I have barely told anyone about it, though a few of my friends know. I've gotten mostly positive reactions. My mind is made up, so please, if you don't or can't support my decision, I'd rather not hear discouragement or reasons why you think it's wrong. My reasons are very personal to me and have nothing to do with wanting to be thin for any sort of aesthetic purpose.

I want to say this here and I will continue to say this, I love people no matter what their size or weight and many of my friends are fat and most of my closest friends are. I can't say this enough - this has nothing to do with you, or me judging you, or me feeling like I am better than you, or that you'd be better if you were thin. It's very important that people understand I am doing this for myself for personal mental and physical health reasons and because it's what I have long felt would be the right choice for me. I promise to never turn into a weight loss evangelist or tell you that you'd be better off following in my footsteps. There's no guarantee with this that I'll even lose any amount of weight but I am determined to take full advantage of it and I believe I will reach my goals.

I have been in the process for nearly 3 months now and I just found out that my insurance approved and I've been assigned a surgery date of March 17th. I have to be on a liquid diet for 2 weeks prior and 2 weeks after, so I probably won't be in the best mood, BUT, I would love it if people wanted to come and visit me starting on 3/18 in the afternoon when I'm home from the hospital. My surgery is at 7:45 am on the 17th so I'll be let out sometime in the morning on the 18th. I will probably be staying home from work the following Mon-Fri cause I don't know how quickly I'll be off pain killers and able to drive and besides, why would I want to deal with work bullshit when I can barely eat anything and am going to be grumpy anyway? My boss is very understanding, luckily!