The Fantasy of Being Thin

A comment I posted in response to Kate Harding's Blog entry "The Fantasy of Being Thin"

I think I summed up a lot of what I feel nicely, so re-posting here.

This is my first time commenting here (did you just hear my cherry pop?) ;) I want to say first of all that I really enjoy reading everything on your site and I love that it even exists. I have been an adoring fan of the BMI project for a long time and not sure why I never explored the site further.

Now, coming from my own, possibly very unique perspective, I want to say something about the potential for a person to be both 100% Fat accepting but still feel the desire to lose weight. And not due to the Fantasy of Being Thin. If I exist then there have to be others like me and I think we deserve to be recognized for what we are. Not self-hating fatties, Not hypocrites, but people who honestly feel our lives would be improved by some weight loss. I don't think talking about it should be banned and I am certainly not trying to convince anyone to think the way I do. I just think that there is room for people like me.

And what do I mean by people like me? Ok...I'm 26, I've been fat my entire life. I was the fat kid, the fat teen, the fat college student, and now the fat young adult. I have never succeeded at a diet (for more than a couple of months) and long ago gave up on them cause they just don't work. Despite all that, I managed to get a good education, find a longterm loving partner, a community of friends I love, a great career, and good health. All the things we fatties are supposedly never going to get. I even love things some people might consider punishing exercise like horseback riding, bicycling, rock climbing, hiking, and just plain running around with my dog. Like the rest of us, I can eat healthy and be active and still never lose a pound. In fact, I always gain weight the more I increase my activity level.

So with all of this, it's just kind of gotten old being fat. I feel limited cause despite my level of fitness, which is great for being as big as I am, I'm never going to excel at the things I love with 100lbs of excess weight. I'm not being mean, I'm just being honest. I've been riding horses since I was 8 years old and I'll never be any better at it than I am now as long as I stay at this weight. I cannot get on my horse from the ground due to my size and I haven't been able to do that since I was 16. This is dangerous because if I'm on a trail ride 10 miles out in the woods and get thrown or need to get off for any reason, I will be unable to get back on. This is just one example of a real benefit that losing weight will add to my life. Not to mention reducing join and bone pain I get from other activities that I enjoy and fear I'll not be able to do for the rest of my life if I continue to stay this heavy or gain more weight.

Now, I do not think I need to go from 250lbs to 125. I would be happy at whatever weight allows me to freely do what I want to do. But please don't assume that all of us who say "Yeah, i support FA wholeheartedly but I'd personally like to lose a little." are just paying lip service to FA while being in denial about our own motivations.

I am SURE those people are out there too. And I would believe they are a hell of a lot more common than people like me. But it seems counter-intuitive that a movement centered on acceptance and self-actualization would actually condemn people who are honest with themselves and decide that even though life is awesome now, it could be even more awesome with some weight loss.

It should go without saying (but I'll say it anyway) that people who start from a place of desperation and unhappiness will not find the secret to the universe, the meaning of life, Jesus, or any other deity, just by losing weight. That's absolutely not what I'm trying to convey so I hope people won't read that into my words.

Thank you for listening.