Today is 10 weeks post-op and I am...(drumroll please)...
228.4!!
I cannot remember last time I was in the 220s, I think I might have been 14 and I certainly never thought I'd be here again. I also was withholding judgment on whether the lap-band was working/would work for me until I got into the 220s because the lowest I ever remember being from dieting on my own was just above 230. My stubborn body just refused to lose anything further and by the time I got there I was so disheartened by the difficulty of those 20-30 lbs I'd lost that I couldn't stand to keep going. So making it beyond 230 is a huge milestone for me and not one I thought I would see so quickly. What's even more exciting and encouraging is that it hasn't been that hard. I know, that sounds crazy, I mean I did a liquid diet for 4 weeks, underwent major surgery, have been exercising my ass off, and being really careful about what I'm eating and when and how. So easy? Am I nuts? No... I think what's made it "easy" in my mind is the one thing that's different about everything I've tried in the past, which is "it works!" I read somewhere that when you get a lapband everything you've heard about dieting becomes true. And it really does. I do what I'm supposed to and I lose weight. A novel concept!
So there's the scale victory and now for the non-scale.
Last night I went to the gym at night which I don't normally do, so that meant I had unlimited time (as opposed to my 30 minute maximum before rushing off to work.) I took my time stretching out and then decided to just go for it and jog 5K, cause I knew I could. Now, I may have technically jogged this far (3.1 miles) when I was 18. I did a lot of jogging then. But that was 8 years ago so it doesn't even count. For all practical purposes, this was the first time I've ever jogged 5K. My first mile was about 11 minutes and I didn't know if I could do 2 more but I slowed down a little and alternated between 4mph and as fast as 6.7mph. I netted out at 3.1 miles/5k in 41:50. That's not a good time by anyone else's standards but for me it was wonderful. I felt great when I was done and I spent a long time stretching out and cooling down. Now, I'd be lying if I said I am looking forward to taking up running as a hobby or wanting to run more and more and faster and faster but it's such a good feeling to know that I can jog for over 40 minutes and a) not fall over b) not pass out c) feel like I could have done a little bit more even.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Picture of the weekend
Went riding yesterday and Steve took this great picture, among many others. I will hopefully have some video to post soon too. I love my horse so much, it just makes the whole weekend go well.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Revelation for a new bandster: It's not Thanksgiving
This thought has been brewing for a few weeks or maybe longer. I finally decided to put it down in writing. It comes from something I heard someone say earlier on, maybe right after my surgery. She said when we're seeking that full feeling it's like we're expecting Thanksgiving or something. And having lap band is NOT thanksgiving. It's been a really slow process and certainly 8 weeks out from surgery I am not "there" yet but I try to keep this mantra in mind when I might tend to overeat.
Repeat after me: It's not Thanksgiving, It's not Thanksgiving, It's not Thanksgiving...
What does this mean?
My entire life I have been chasing this feeling of fullness, which to me translates into "I cannot possibly eat one more bite." which in turn makes "yeah, I could probably eat one more bite" feel like hunger - which it's certainly not!
My overeating has been primarily due to my love of yummy food and my constant "hunger" which I now know may not have been as constant as I thought. There is a difference between being full and "not hungry" but I never knew that. No one ever told me and certainly no one ever taught me by example. As a kid I was always being told to eat less, which of course only made me inclined to sneak food and eat more as an act of rebellion and as a way to assert my own control over my body. Now I see that the psychology of it all is not healthy. It doesn't nourish my body better and it certainly never kept me from being "hungry."
If you have a hunger for anything (food or any activity or substance) that cannot be satisfied no matter how much of it you get, then I would venture to say that the food (or other issue) is not really what it's about.
If my body had really been hungry all those years then eating would have made some sort of difference. Yet I was the type of person who could never really be full no matter how much I'd eaten. So it's taken 26 years and a major surgery to realize that I never was really hungry after all. I mean sure, sometimes I had to have been, but the majority of the time I wasn't hungry. I wasn't "full" either but you're not supposed to be. You're not supposed to walk around like you've just eaten Thanksgiving dinner after every meal.
I guess I just figured everyone else except me did.
Repeat after me: It's not Thanksgiving, It's not Thanksgiving, It's not Thanksgiving...
What does this mean?
My entire life I have been chasing this feeling of fullness, which to me translates into "I cannot possibly eat one more bite." which in turn makes "yeah, I could probably eat one more bite" feel like hunger - which it's certainly not!
My overeating has been primarily due to my love of yummy food and my constant "hunger" which I now know may not have been as constant as I thought. There is a difference between being full and "not hungry" but I never knew that. No one ever told me and certainly no one ever taught me by example. As a kid I was always being told to eat less, which of course only made me inclined to sneak food and eat more as an act of rebellion and as a way to assert my own control over my body. Now I see that the psychology of it all is not healthy. It doesn't nourish my body better and it certainly never kept me from being "hungry."
If you have a hunger for anything (food or any activity or substance) that cannot be satisfied no matter how much of it you get, then I would venture to say that the food (or other issue) is not really what it's about.
If my body had really been hungry all those years then eating would have made some sort of difference. Yet I was the type of person who could never really be full no matter how much I'd eaten. So it's taken 26 years and a major surgery to realize that I never was really hungry after all. I mean sure, sometimes I had to have been, but the majority of the time I wasn't hungry. I wasn't "full" either but you're not supposed to be. You're not supposed to walk around like you've just eaten Thanksgiving dinner after every meal.
I guess I just figured everyone else except me did.
A long-overdue update
Wednesday May 12th. 8 weeks ago today I was in the hospital getting this little implant of mine. I still haven't named him/her, maybe I won't. Maybe I haven't because the little thing hasn't given me issue yet so most of the time I forget it's there.
Let's do the numbers, first of all (this always makes me feel good!)
First surgical consult 1/22/10: 273
Day of Surgery 3/17/10: 260
8 Weeks post op: 234
I will be so ecstatic when I am out of the 230s, but hell, I'm pretty ecstatic now! I had my first fill almost 2 weeks ago and things have been going well since then. Well, actually, things have mostly been going well since I re-focused myself last Saturday and started eating low carb more intentionally. Up till now I'd been following the traditional wisdom of low calorie/low fat but was finding that I tended to eat things that weren't helping me work with my band. Crackers and breads, even if I only ate a limited number of calories of them, go right through my band at its current fill level and don't help to fill me up at all. Then I would be left limiting myself to certain amounts of meats because I didn't want to go over calorie budget for the day.
Well, I picked up my copy of The South Beach Diet and started reading it and I picked up my audio recordings of The Gabriel Method and started listening, and I got a major attitude adjustment. Said goodbye to cereal, crackers, bread, pasta, rice, and have been enjoying all the fresh vegetables and meats and cheeses and nuts and beans that I want - which (surprise, surprise) doesn't allow me to eat all that much and I'm probably eating less calories than I was anyway. But I'm not counting! Who cares? I'm losing weight and I'm not hungry and it's easy and it's working.
All the obsessing over calories and counting and measuring my portions was doing nothing if I didn't stay around 1200 a day. Well, nothing except stressing me out. At the moment, I feel freer than I have in months and in 4 days, the scale has gone down 2lbs. And yes, I'm drinking tons of water, exercising a bit every day, but it's so much easier and more pleasant to do when I'm not hungry.
Finally, I'm letting the band do its job and I couldn't be happier with it. I also have remembered the power of positive thinking and visualization exercises. Last week, I was telling myself things like "I'm one of those people who can only lose weight if I'm eating extremely low calories" and "It doesn't matter how many salads I eat, I'll never be able to shop at ___ store." This week I am keeping thoughts like "My body wants to be thin" and "It is safe to be thin" and "My body loses weight effortlessly" in mind and I can't say enough good things about the power of positive thoughts.
So, here I am... I need to take and post some more before/during pictures. People at work definitely make comments about being able to see it. I do once in a while but not entirely. I know clothes are fitting that never would have before though, so that's encouraging. And I'm turning into a shop-a-holic. Not really, but it is hard to resist one or 2 new items a week as I realize new things fit.
Let's do the numbers, first of all (this always makes me feel good!)
First surgical consult 1/22/10: 273
Day of Surgery 3/17/10: 260
8 Weeks post op: 234
I will be so ecstatic when I am out of the 230s, but hell, I'm pretty ecstatic now! I had my first fill almost 2 weeks ago and things have been going well since then. Well, actually, things have mostly been going well since I re-focused myself last Saturday and started eating low carb more intentionally. Up till now I'd been following the traditional wisdom of low calorie/low fat but was finding that I tended to eat things that weren't helping me work with my band. Crackers and breads, even if I only ate a limited number of calories of them, go right through my band at its current fill level and don't help to fill me up at all. Then I would be left limiting myself to certain amounts of meats because I didn't want to go over calorie budget for the day.
Well, I picked up my copy of The South Beach Diet and started reading it and I picked up my audio recordings of The Gabriel Method and started listening, and I got a major attitude adjustment. Said goodbye to cereal, crackers, bread, pasta, rice, and have been enjoying all the fresh vegetables and meats and cheeses and nuts and beans that I want - which (surprise, surprise) doesn't allow me to eat all that much and I'm probably eating less calories than I was anyway. But I'm not counting! Who cares? I'm losing weight and I'm not hungry and it's easy and it's working.
All the obsessing over calories and counting and measuring my portions was doing nothing if I didn't stay around 1200 a day. Well, nothing except stressing me out. At the moment, I feel freer than I have in months and in 4 days, the scale has gone down 2lbs. And yes, I'm drinking tons of water, exercising a bit every day, but it's so much easier and more pleasant to do when I'm not hungry.
Finally, I'm letting the band do its job and I couldn't be happier with it. I also have remembered the power of positive thinking and visualization exercises. Last week, I was telling myself things like "I'm one of those people who can only lose weight if I'm eating extremely low calories" and "It doesn't matter how many salads I eat, I'll never be able to shop at ___ store." This week I am keeping thoughts like "My body wants to be thin" and "It is safe to be thin" and "My body loses weight effortlessly" in mind and I can't say enough good things about the power of positive thoughts.
So, here I am... I need to take and post some more before/during pictures. People at work definitely make comments about being able to see it. I do once in a while but not entirely. I know clothes are fitting that never would have before though, so that's encouraging. And I'm turning into a shop-a-holic. Not really, but it is hard to resist one or 2 new items a week as I realize new things fit.
The first fill
This happened on 4/30 but I've just been too busy with work and extra-curricular activities to write since then.
Let's see if I remember anything about it since it was a whole 2 weeks ago!
I arrived at my surgeon's office at 8am, not really knowing what to expect and a little nervous but not terribly. Mostly, I just REALLY wanted a fill because my weight loss had stalled for the previous 2 weeks. They weighed me and I had lost 7 lbs in the prior month since seeing them but I explained all of that had been in the first 2 weeks after I saw them and I'd been lucky to just stay at 242 since then. And when I say lucky, I mean working my ass off to count calories and exercise as much as possible just to not gain weight, all the while feeling like I could eat anything I could want just like I could before my band. I HATE living that way, especially the feeling of dieting just to maintain a weight.
The fill itself was really nothing eventful. I don't even think he numbed the area beforehand which some doctor's do but I don't see why. Maybe he did and I just wasn't looking. I felt one prick and the needle was in, adding fluid to my band, and he was asking me to drink some water. I sipped slowly but started burping immediately and felt a growing pressure in my back, neck, ears, and head. It was a very odd feeling that I hadn't felt before but I thought maybe this was normal and would be what drinking water felt like for evermore. He had put in 3.5cc, not a lot for a band that holds 10cc but a good starting amount I think. I could have asked for some to be taken out while the needle was still attached but I didn't realize I needed it.
Because we weren't 100% sure it was right, he told me to go out to the waiting room and keep drinking the water. I did but as I sat there I became more and more uncomfortable. I could barely take the smallest of sips before feeling painful pressure in my back and neck, ears and head. I really would have expected to feel something in my chest or stomach but I guess everyone is different and now I know what being too tight feels like. Because it was Friday, the receptionist said I'd better let him take some out just in case, so I wouldn't be sick all weekend. The second needle stick was more unpleasant than the first (note to self, let him take fluid out while it's still attached next time!) but overall nothing terrible.
He took out .5 ccs, leaving me with 3. This seemed to be perfect. I remained on liquids all Friday and Saturday and returned to soft foods Sunday and Monday. Monday evening I had my first solid food (salad and a piece of pizza - I know, not the best but I only had 1 piece AND I hadn't eaten real food for 4 days so I knew I was not in danger of overstepping my calories.)
After my fill, I dropped about 10lbs but rebounded back to a net loss of about 5, which is still great. As of this morning (yes, I'm back to weighing more than once a week even though I swore I wouldn't) I am at 234, which is incredible considering today is my 8 week band-iversary. I was approximately 260 on the day of surgery so I'm still averaging 3.25 lbs a week.
At the moment I couldn't be happier with how things are going. I love my band and I love that it's given me the motivation to become healthier. And I don't just mean losing weight - I've just been eating so much better since I started this whole process, and it feels great.
Let's see if I remember anything about it since it was a whole 2 weeks ago!
I arrived at my surgeon's office at 8am, not really knowing what to expect and a little nervous but not terribly. Mostly, I just REALLY wanted a fill because my weight loss had stalled for the previous 2 weeks. They weighed me and I had lost 7 lbs in the prior month since seeing them but I explained all of that had been in the first 2 weeks after I saw them and I'd been lucky to just stay at 242 since then. And when I say lucky, I mean working my ass off to count calories and exercise as much as possible just to not gain weight, all the while feeling like I could eat anything I could want just like I could before my band. I HATE living that way, especially the feeling of dieting just to maintain a weight.
The fill itself was really nothing eventful. I don't even think he numbed the area beforehand which some doctor's do but I don't see why. Maybe he did and I just wasn't looking. I felt one prick and the needle was in, adding fluid to my band, and he was asking me to drink some water. I sipped slowly but started burping immediately and felt a growing pressure in my back, neck, ears, and head. It was a very odd feeling that I hadn't felt before but I thought maybe this was normal and would be what drinking water felt like for evermore. He had put in 3.5cc, not a lot for a band that holds 10cc but a good starting amount I think. I could have asked for some to be taken out while the needle was still attached but I didn't realize I needed it.
Because we weren't 100% sure it was right, he told me to go out to the waiting room and keep drinking the water. I did but as I sat there I became more and more uncomfortable. I could barely take the smallest of sips before feeling painful pressure in my back and neck, ears and head. I really would have expected to feel something in my chest or stomach but I guess everyone is different and now I know what being too tight feels like. Because it was Friday, the receptionist said I'd better let him take some out just in case, so I wouldn't be sick all weekend. The second needle stick was more unpleasant than the first (note to self, let him take fluid out while it's still attached next time!) but overall nothing terrible.
He took out .5 ccs, leaving me with 3. This seemed to be perfect. I remained on liquids all Friday and Saturday and returned to soft foods Sunday and Monday. Monday evening I had my first solid food (salad and a piece of pizza - I know, not the best but I only had 1 piece AND I hadn't eaten real food for 4 days so I knew I was not in danger of overstepping my calories.)
After my fill, I dropped about 10lbs but rebounded back to a net loss of about 5, which is still great. As of this morning (yes, I'm back to weighing more than once a week even though I swore I wouldn't) I am at 234, which is incredible considering today is my 8 week band-iversary. I was approximately 260 on the day of surgery so I'm still averaging 3.25 lbs a week.
At the moment I couldn't be happier with how things are going. I love my band and I love that it's given me the motivation to become healthier. And I don't just mean losing weight - I've just been eating so much better since I started this whole process, and it feels great.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Well, that was a surprise!
I'm in the 230s for the first time since 2002!! (I think...)
I'm totally baffled cause this has never happened to me before and I tend to think my scale is broken (whether in my favor or against it) but if this is true then wow...
Here's what happened:
Last Monday morning I weighed 242, Friday when I got to my surgeon's for my first fill (more on this later if I have the energy to write) I weighed 241.9 with clothes, so maybe 240 or 239 in reality (our scales tend to sync up so not accounting for any difference there.) I got my first fill and have been on liquids Friday, Sat, and today (today out of convenience not cause I can't move on to softs yet.)
I spent all day today at the barn from 9:30-5:30, doing chores and riding my horse and the only thing I ate was my 20 oz protein shake for breakfast and some vienna sausages (yeah, I know, gross but they sounded good at the time.) I drank a ton of water, 2.5 liters at least, cause it's hot out and I didn't want to get dehydrated.
So I was going to wait till Monday morning for my official weekly weigh in but curiosity got the better of me and I stepped on: 232.8. WTF?? I even got on and off a couple of times and got the same result so I don't think it's my scale being screwy.
I'm thrilled, I suppose, though I know I will weigh more tomorrow morning when I do my official weekly weight because I'm probably on the empty side when it comes to water/food even though I drank a ton today.
But even if I really am a couple of pounds heavier, that's still like 6lbs in a week. I'm glad, if this is for real, cause I have been hovering at 240-242 for about 3 weeks but didn't expect some huge drop like this.
Maybe this is just the way my body does it. Stay the same for a few weeks then make it all up at once. I'm curious if other people have experienced the same thing. it's kind of frustrating because you do spend a long time at the same place but then wow, what a high to get such a huge drop all at once. I almost prefer it this way!
I'm totally baffled cause this has never happened to me before and I tend to think my scale is broken (whether in my favor or against it) but if this is true then wow...
Here's what happened:
Last Monday morning I weighed 242, Friday when I got to my surgeon's for my first fill (more on this later if I have the energy to write) I weighed 241.9 with clothes, so maybe 240 or 239 in reality (our scales tend to sync up so not accounting for any difference there.) I got my first fill and have been on liquids Friday, Sat, and today (today out of convenience not cause I can't move on to softs yet.)
I spent all day today at the barn from 9:30-5:30, doing chores and riding my horse and the only thing I ate was my 20 oz protein shake for breakfast and some vienna sausages (yeah, I know, gross but they sounded good at the time.) I drank a ton of water, 2.5 liters at least, cause it's hot out and I didn't want to get dehydrated.
So I was going to wait till Monday morning for my official weekly weigh in but curiosity got the better of me and I stepped on: 232.8. WTF?? I even got on and off a couple of times and got the same result so I don't think it's my scale being screwy.
I'm thrilled, I suppose, though I know I will weigh more tomorrow morning when I do my official weekly weight because I'm probably on the empty side when it comes to water/food even though I drank a ton today.
But even if I really am a couple of pounds heavier, that's still like 6lbs in a week. I'm glad, if this is for real, cause I have been hovering at 240-242 for about 3 weeks but didn't expect some huge drop like this.
Maybe this is just the way my body does it. Stay the same for a few weeks then make it all up at once. I'm curious if other people have experienced the same thing. it's kind of frustrating because you do spend a long time at the same place but then wow, what a high to get such a huge drop all at once. I almost prefer it this way!
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