My Progress

I started this blog in March 2010 when I found out I was approved to move forward with Lap-Band surgery. I've always fancied myself a "writer" though I hate the pretension that usually comes along with that label. I've also never managed to keep a steady journal, blog, or website going for more than a few months (instead I've started many over the years and they've fizzled out.) But here you go, my latest attempt, and because it's an issue that's so important, I've really tried to keep up with it on a regular basis.

If you're interested in reading the whole story from the beginning, you should scroll down and start with the earliest posts, moving forward. Yes, I know you know how a blog works but my grandmother might visit this website too, you know!

I chose "Results Not Typical" because that's always the disclaimer you see on commercials for weight loss products and services. Well, I've never been typical in any sense of the word, so I'm hoping this time around is no different. I told myself when I started that I was going to excel at this (as I do with most things I put my mind to) and I'm happy to report that I already have. 15 months after my surgery, I am down 95 lbs. I truly cannot believe it, nor can I believe (or could I have imagined) the differences in my life.

I welcome comments by email or left here and hope to offer support to others.


Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Let's be honest for a minute

I am waaaay off track. I started off yesterday doing so well but dinner just ruined it for me. Well, that and all the after dinner snacks. Yesterday I consumed approximately 1626 calories, which provided 94 grams of protein, 178 grams of carbohydrates, and 55 grams of fat. My goal was to stay around 1300 calories so it was all that lowfat ice cream and the chocolate chip cookie that called my name that really pushed me over the top. And this morning I woke up +2 lbs! I know it's most likely just the weight of the food itself plus the fact that I drank 100oz of water yesterday but this is making me feel kind of bad. Why can't I go a single day without gorging on junk food? And why am I gaining weight on 1600 calories a day? The WW plan really doesn't work for me because it allows me to eat so much junk and still stay within their points values. I need to go back to just accounting for calories and making sure I hit 60+ grams of protein. And avoiding sugary and carby snacks. I go back to Dr. A in less than 2 weeks and he's going to see that I haven't lost any weight in the past month and hopefully give my band an adjustment that will help. I don't know what's going on. It's definitely in my head. I just seem to think that no matter what I eat it's not going to matter. I guess I don't believe I can lose this last 30 lbs so it's starting to feel like I did before surgery where I couldn't go one day without indulging in crap because "it didn't matter."

Well it does matter! What I eat IS going to make the difference between losing and gaining or just maintaining which would be ok too.

I am wearing my size 10 pants today for the first time. It feels amazing.

Monday, February 14, 2011

2 weeks on weight watchers...thing thing isn't working

I'm fighting the urge to be overly frustrated. I kind of knew it wouldn't work. Well, that's not being completely honest. I knew it wouldn't work if I followed the plan the way an un-banded person would. Not sure why but it's obvious that my body won't lose weight from just "eating healthy" but I shouldn't be surprised. If it would I never would have ended up banded in the first place.

So 2 weeks on WW and I "lost" 4 lbs the first week because their scale was fucked up and actually registered me as 4 lbs heavier than I should have been. So when I lost 4 the first week that was just a reflection of an accurate number. Then my 2nd week I gained 0.4. I am not surprised cause we had a party Saturday night and I spend my last 36 hours eating party foods even though I counted the points for them and had enough to do so. But I'm going back to band basics this week and counting calories along with points AND counting to make sure I'm getting enough protein in before I add any other extravagant stuff.

So far today I will have gotten in 58 grams of protein in 718 calories if I can eat everything I packed. I'm not that hungry and I've been trying to drink a lot of water too so it's kind of a struggle. That still gives me 591 to play with for my big valentines day dinner I'm planning which is going to be steak, potatoes, green beans, and apple turnovers. I should be able to eat all of this and stay within my daily WW points range but not sure if I'll stay under my goal of 1309 calories. Haven't been tracking calories for the 2 weeks since doing WW and that's probably been a mistake. My loseit app on the ipod is a real lifesaver for calories and accounting for protein to make sure I'm getting enough. I probably haven't been cause WW opens the door to fill my tiny stomach with carby things. I think I need to get a tattoo of "PROTEIN" on my arm or something. Actually, not a bad idea. Maybe a protein molecule to look kind of cool.

I also need to recommit to my exercise but I just have so little time in my day as it is! I went for a 4 mile (mostly) run with a friend on Saturday and it felt great. I can't wait for warmer weather and longer days. It's always easier to do this stuff when it's not freezing and dark.

Monday, February 7, 2011

I posted to the Weight Watchers message board

Feeling kind of down (constantly these days.) So I posted this. Of course no one at WW knows about my band. I am seeing my therapist tomorrow and this is definitely going to be at the top of the list for conversation. Why am I being so negative?
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Hi Everyone,

I'm new here. I just joined WW at my office last week and even though according to the WW scale at the meetings I've lost 4 lbs in my first week, my scale at home has not moved. Scale calibration issues aside, I'm just feeling burned out and frustrated.

See, I've already lost 92 lbs going from 273 to 181. I just joined WW to try to give me some extra support to lose the last 30 that I need to but I'm feeling more discouraged than I ever have. I kind of feel like I did at the beginning of my weight loss when at 273 I felt like it was impossible to lose a single pound. I don't feel all that different than I did back then. I don't see my reflection differently even though I know I must have changed drastically. And I am SO tired of worrying and counting everything I eat. But I can't seem to relax or let up because I'm so worried that if I do I'll just wake up and have gained back 90 lbs.

I know my problem is ALL in my head. I need to start thinking positively and giving myself encouraging thoughts instead of criticism. Every time I see myself in the mirror I think how fat I still look and it's really getting me down. I am 5'7" and at 181 lbs should not feel like I am that huge, right?

Please help. I need encouragement from those who have been here.