My Progress

I started this blog in March 2010 when I found out I was approved to move forward with Lap-Band surgery. I've always fancied myself a "writer" though I hate the pretension that usually comes along with that label. I've also never managed to keep a steady journal, blog, or website going for more than a few months (instead I've started many over the years and they've fizzled out.) But here you go, my latest attempt, and because it's an issue that's so important, I've really tried to keep up with it on a regular basis.

If you're interested in reading the whole story from the beginning, you should scroll down and start with the earliest posts, moving forward. Yes, I know you know how a blog works but my grandmother might visit this website too, you know!

I chose "Results Not Typical" because that's always the disclaimer you see on commercials for weight loss products and services. Well, I've never been typical in any sense of the word, so I'm hoping this time around is no different. I told myself when I started that I was going to excel at this (as I do with most things I put my mind to) and I'm happy to report that I already have. 15 months after my surgery, I am down 95 lbs. I truly cannot believe it, nor can I believe (or could I have imagined) the differences in my life.

I welcome comments by email or left here and hope to offer support to others.


Friday, July 9, 2010

Already "there"

I can almost see it, that dream I'm dreaming. But there's a voice inside my head saying "you'll never reach it."

Yes, the great Miley Cyrus sure knows what she's talking about.

I've been feeling kind of frustrated the past few days. I've gained 3 lbs in the past 5 days even though that's counting from what was probably an artificial drop to 214.8. I am now back to 217.6 and am wondering "where did I go wrong?" I've been doing pretty much the same as I always have though my exercise has gotten out of whack since my vacation about 2 weeks ago. I'm still doing something everyday but my heavy gym time and rock climbing have had to be put on hold for other obligations. Hoping to get back in the normal routine starting Monday. So I've been anxious: what if this is it? What if I start to regain everything I've already lost? What if the easy part is over and now I have to kill myself to lose a single pound from here on out? I'm letting myself spiral into an overwhelming amount of negative thoughts and I've decided this needs to stop now. So here I am journaling to get it all out in the open - even if I'm the only one who reads it.

Even at 217 I am lighter than I have been in probably 10 years, I have no idea! The lowest weight on any of my previous 5 year medical records (which I had to collect for the surgery approval) was 240. I vaguely remember being 220 at some age, maybe 13? So, let's think about this for a moment. I am at the lowest weight of my adult life, fitting into size Medium shirts and 14 pants, able to do anything I want physically and not hungry all the time? And I'm complaining? Jesus! I've lost sight of why I started this all to begin with and maybe I need to take a major re-read of my blog from the beginning.

Sure, I still feel really fat. In fact, I feel larger than I did when I started, probably just due to the heavy focus on everything. But for crying out loud, I'm not! When I started, I said that if I lost 50lbs it would be a wild success because I had never done that before or even come close. So why all of a sudden is 55lbs not good enough for me? No one in my life is making me feel as though I'm not doing well enough. And I can shop in normal stores for the first time ever, walk into places with confidence knowing I'll find something that fits, and in some cases not even need the biggest size on the rack. My endurance has skyrocketed - I don't get out of breath in the least when I do things that use to make me pant. Riding my horse is a whole new experience and I feel more stable and secure in the saddle where I used to feel like a mess all over the place.

There are so many little things that have improved, so why am I focusing on the stupid scale numbers or clothing sizes? And even if I am, my doctor told me when I saw him last week that what I've lost so far (41% of my "excess weight") is what is expected in about 2 years on average. It's been 3.5 months! I need to continue to remember that this is a marathon, not a sprint. And that in many ways stop worrying about "getting there" or fantasizing about what things will be like when I can say I weigh 199 or wear a size 12. I'm already here, right? I've proven that with the band I can lose 50 lbs and I should be even more confident that I can lose 50 more if I want, not afraid that my luck has run out.

So, I'd better get out my ipod and start listening to my kickass workout music. And Miley...she's right about something if I could just keep remembering:

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side.
It's the climb.


PS - Here is a picture of my new shirt. Ladies Medium from H&M. Which kind of freaks me out because I look like I should still be wearing a 2XL. Shut up, shut up, shut up, head!

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