High School Trauma Flashback

For Thanksgiving, I went home to Alabama to see my family. I stayed there for 6 days and I made a special point to go back and visit my high school because I have always been close with my principal/teacher (I worked for her several summers after graduating.) It's a small, private school - I mean really small. We had 15 students my first year and it was more like being homseschooled or privately tutored. Every year, before Thanksgiving, they have a potluck lunch with all the traditional foods and I was of course invited to join in. It was great to spend some time there with my principal and see some of the teachers I haven't seen in years. There is one teacher in particular though that I could do without. J taught art and she was old when I attended school there 8 years ago! She's still teaching (as they always seem to) and though she's a "nice enough" lady, she can be a real jerk sometimes and probably suffers from her own eating disorder so I should cut her some slack.

So, of course it's expected that I got a lot of compliments from the people who haven't seen me in a year or two about my appearance. And I am more than happy to graciously say thanks to anyone who wants to tell me how great I look. But J took it a step too far and really pissed me off. First, she went on and on about my "figure" which I guess is a generational term so I'll forgive her for that. But then, after I ate barely anything at the lunch (don't get me wrong, it was normal bandster portions of some turkey and casseroles) - I went back for desert and took one spoonful of a chocolate pudding and whipped cream type thing that looked amazing and I couldn't wait to dig into - until "Don't take too much of that, now." She says out loud in front of the entire room of parents and students who are standing around enjoying their own deserts. I looked at her in disbelief and said, "J, I think I can eat whatever I want to, thank you." And I retreated to the back of the school to enjoy my small chocolate desert in privacy. Feeling guilty, and not really enjoying it. And feeling angry that anyone would tell me what I should or shouldn't eat after all I've gone through to lose my 85 lbs. It makes me angry and all of a sudden I was back in high school being made fun of - literally. It doesn't matter. She is no one in my life. Just an old crazy art teacher I had for a couple of years who doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut. But I hate those moments with the power to take us back to being 4 feet tall and vulnerable.