A month in the blink of an eye

It's Sunday night before I return to work. My month, "my month"...is over. I cannot believe it. Gone by faster than I could have imagined even though I knew it would fly by. A month ago, March 18th, I was one day out of surgery. I was nearly regretting my decision; wondering how the process had happened so fast without someone stopping and making me wait 6 more months to make sure I "really" wanted to do it. A day after surgery I was in more pain than I have ever felt before, not helped by the narcotics they gave me (something called Dilaudid that really didn't do anything but make me feel icky and tired. But hey, at least it didn't make me puke!)

A couple of days later I was getting to my feet a lot better and making sure to keep walking to prevent blood clots and of course because any bit of exercise I could get would quicken my weight loss. I lost 10 lbs in 10 days directly after surgery, which was great, but also encouraged me to weight 3 times a day to see if it was still coming off. Or really coming off. It was, both, all the time.

By the start of my 2nd week, I was feeling pretty decent though still easily tired (that is only now starting to resolve.) I ramped up my activity level and started exploring all the local parks. Walking, walking, walking. No blood clots here. Somewhere around here I also decided I needed to start seeing a therapist and got extremely lucky, hitting it off with someone on the first try who is in network with my insurance. He has dealt with weight loss surgeries and all types of eating disorders and oddly enough has some experience with some of my other issues that are completely not WLS related.

My 3rd week flew by in a blur. I know I was getting more and more active, spending a lot of time thinking about what I was eating (being on soft foods and no longer liquids by this point) and still always wondering if I'm going to lose weight or if this whole thing will have been for nothing. I did have my first moment of certainty that I was going to succeed. But a few days later, a day of equal uncertainty.

Week 4 has gone by quicker than any. I joined a gym, continued to see my therapist, started doing things I technically shouldn't be doing yet like riding my bike and my horse. But like a friend told me, souls need healing too. And it's true. My pony is my spiritual therapy. I also let go of the scale this week. Steve hid it (even though I know where he put it) and I only weighed at the gym which was twice this week.

Tonight, Sunday, I pulled out my scale and got the official number. 240.6. All I know is that on 1/12/10 I was 274 at my doctor's office and on 1/23/10 I was 273 at my surgeon's office. Going by those numbers, it's been 14 weeks and just over 33 lbs. An average of about 2.3 lbs per week. I cannot complain and I only hope that the trend continues. I still can't see the difference on a regular basis but once in a while I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and see something. Or rather, a lack of something. And overall, it's been pretty easy. I mean, sure I've been working my ass off not only physically but a lot of mental work with myself, my therapist, and my journal. But it's nothing compared to what I've done before with no results, so how can I be unhappy?

I feel so fortunate that I was given this month to recover and heal physically and emotionally. I know there is still a lot of healing to come but I never imagined I could have a month off work with no other focus than to make sure I was getting in the right foods, water, protein, and exercise everyday. It has been an amazing blessing. Now, I get to leave this fantasy dream world where I am my main priority and get back to the world of coworkers, bosses, and clients. I hope that this amazing experience will be something I can take with me as I return back to real life. The sad thing is, this feels like the first time I've experienced "real life." Sigh...