Down and Up

My scale is making me angry but I'm trying not to focus on that. My joy at being in the 220s was short lived but I am hoping that the small amount of fluid I got added to my band today will make all the difference and bounce me down nearly into the teens within a couple of weeks.

I went out of town over Memorial Day weekend and I didn't go crazy with food but I abandoned the low carb thing I've been doing in favor of just enjoying myself. I really expected to have put on a few pounds but when I came back I was still 229 and then the next day (official weigh day) 228 so I figured all was good. Got back on my high protein diet starting Tuesday and somehow managed to inch back up to 230 between then and now! I keep reminding myself that these things happen and it's par for the course. AND my clothes are fitting great, my exercise is going well, and I'm starting to feel bones in my shoulders I never knew existed. So I'm truly not concerned about the slight gain. But a small part of me does feel like it sucks to be out of the 20s. Nothing a couple of days of liquid can't fix though!

I got some fluid added this morning, my 2nd fill, so I'm back on liquids for 2 days then purees for 2 more and it's nearly impossible to do low carb on liquids cause all I can really have is soup and protein shakes, with minimal carbs. For some variety I can do sugar free pudding, yogurt, cream of wheat, and other things that are in no way low carb. I think I'll enjoy the ability to branch out while I have it for a few days and go back to my solid protein and vegetable rules once I'm on solids.

In the meantime, my doctor thinks I'm doing fantastic, even if their scale only registered me losing 8 lbs in the past month (with clothes on the numbers don't quite add up the way they do on my own scale.) According to them I'm 232 and my surgeon told me this morning I've lost 34% of my "excess weight" which for 3 months post-op is incredible! He told me my loss so far is average for people 1 year out! I cannot believe that but he said it's true. That prompted me to do a bit of happy/congratulatory/self esteem building writing on OH where I frequently read and post.

Here's what I wrote:

I just got to work after my appointment this morning in which I got my 2nd fill. I asked for and got 1/2 cc which means I've still only got 3.5 in me total. My doctor didn't oppose me asking for a slight fill at all, though he always seems to laugh at me when I say I "could be doing better" and told me today that the percentage of my weight that I've lost 3 months post-op is what is average at 1 year.

I find this really hard to believe! I see a lot of people on the forums here who have lost 100+ lbs in a year, not 40-something. Though there are those people too - but they seem to think there is something wrong with them.

Are our expectations for ourselves and this surgery just simply too high? Did anyone tell you before you had it that at a year out you are expected on average to have lost 33% of your excess weight? I guess I read the statistics but I just figured they didn't apply to me because I've always been an anomaly in other areas of my life. I'm not complaining, seriously, don't take it that way. I am so happy to be succeeding and I'm glad that when I go into my doctor he tells me how successful I am (such a change from my previous life where doctors could only scold me for "not taking better care" of myself.)

But how much of this stressing over our surgeries is self imposed? I think even though we all kind of know that the band is not RNY we still compare ourselves to people who've had other types of WLS. Instead, we should compare ourselves to people on weight watchers, Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem. I think my banded life has a lot more in common with a plain old dieter than other WLS patients, a lot of the time.

That's not to say that I don't love having the band or that it doesn't make it a hell of a lot easier to actually lose some weight. It absolutely does and I know I couldn't have done any of this without the help of the band. But we need to stop complaining about "only" losing 20lbs or "only" losing 1 lb a week or whatever it might be. Myself included. Look at what people on diets are losing and I guarantee it's much less and much slower (or quick and gained back just as quickly.)

I hope that everyone out there is feeling great about their own progress today, no matter how large or small it may be compared to other people's. I still cannot imagine myself actually ever getting to 100 lbs lost (though 50 is becoming more feasible) but I have to believe that if I keep doing what I'm doing that it will keep working.

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I've gotten a lot of positive feedback from people, thanking me for posting, and I'm glad it has helped others remember to feel good about their success. I know I sure do! Despite the fact that I really do want to keep going and get down further, I know that if this is all I could do, I'm still in so much better of a place than I was 4 months ago before I started this process. But there's no way I'm finished yet!