2 weeks out

The past 2 weeks have flown by and I am amazed to find my time off work half over already (sad face) but my recovery is going quite well (happy face.)

I have been doing my best to "stay active" as the surgeon recommends and I wonder sometimes if I'm overdoing it. But hey, it's working so I'm not complaining. I have walked several miles almost every day since my 3rd day out from surgery. Yesterday was the big exception. It was beautiful out and I stayed inside all day cause I just really needed a catch up day. I've been going above and beyond what other people are and I know because I had my two week follow up appointment with the surgeon on Wednesday and was met with a lot of positive feedback.

One thing you have to understand about all of this is that there is your goal weight and then there is your goal weight. For example, my goal weight is 180. It's where I think I would be really comfortable and feel great. But since I can't ever remember being 180, who knows? Then there is 150. 30 lbs less than I really "want" to be but it's considered normal by the BMI charts. Now, don't get me started on the idiocy of BMI as a measure...but for the purpose of this, let's assume that 150 is where I "need" to be even if it's not where "want" to be. That means that my EW (excess weight) started at 123 lbs and with Lap Band, the average person can expect to lose 50% of their EW by 3 years post op.

So, when I went into the doctor at 2 weeks post op and had already lost 24.1 lbs/19% of my EW, they were pleasantly surprised. I got teased by the nurse, "How's our little athlete doing?" and my surgeon remarked "You've been busy." Well, I've certainly been trying, and like I said, making a big effort to be as active as possible every day within the restrictions I still face (no bicycling, no horseback riding, no rock climbing, no lifting anything more than 15lbs...) But, in my opinion, doing anything less than what I have been would just be sub-par for me. I've got an able body, why wouldn't I use it? Don't get me wrong, I love being told I'm doing well, but I hold myself to pretty high standards and I am not aiming to do this halfway or even average.

The nurse remarked to me that most people have lost 7-10% of their excess weight by their 2 week follow up. I'll admit I felt almost guilty for having done more. So I told her that a lot of it was done before surgery, which is the truth. Which also scares me because I feel like I should have lost more since surgery than before it but then again, the before surgery time ranged from 1/23/10-3/17/10 and the after surgery time has only spanned 16 days now. There's no real way I could have lost more after than before. In response to my remark, she commented that I must have been implementing some of the "lifestyle changes" before surgery...and I guess...maybe? But that kind of remark sort of ticks me off too since I consider myself to have always lived a good lifestyle. It wasn't really that I was doing anything different before surgery except becoming more aware of the calories I consumed daily and for the 2 weeks that I was on a pre-op liquid diet it was shear will power to stay on broths and stuff to help shrink my liver and get used to what I would face post op.

I know she was just trying to be positive but it sort of felt like one of those remarks that's meant to convey that the only reason I was fat to begin with is because I didn't know how to eat right or exercise. Wow, if only eating right and exercising had done it for me the first 20 times I tried...

To be honest, the 2 weeks since surgery have not been that bad. The first few days sucked but what I really love is that now (whether it's due to swelling, the band itself, or the placebo effect) I can be happy and full for several hours eating 1/2 cup of pureed food with about 250 calories. Do that a few times a day with some small snacks thrown in (I mean seriously, 5 saltine crackers and 1 tablespoon of peanut butter. I never would have called that a snack in my previous life!) and it's hard not to be losing weight. Last time I tried 1000 calories a day, I couldn't keep it up for more than a month. But so far with this I feel like I could do it for as long as I need to. As long as I keep getting the results I want, I am happy to put in the effort. That's the whole reason dieting never worked for me in the past. Extreme hunger + extreme calorie restriction + extreme exercise = nothing? 5 lbs? WTF?

So this "success" thing is pretty new - in this area of life at least. Hence the extreme fear of failure. Nope, not afraid to admit it.